Four! Madeus' First Day of "Kindergarten"

I Will Carry the Bag

It was everything I always thought it would be…

Except it was not.

First, Madeus has entered Kindergarten a year early. But more likely than not, we will have him repeat Kindergarten next year in public school.

So, that setup already has me in an emotionally weird place. Throughout last year, I felt relief that we did not have to worry about school choice and all. And then, this was sprung on me to send him to all day Kindergarten. And as the year went on, we felt confident more school would probably be a right fit for him.  So I did all the mental preparation to send him off to this weird in-between place.

So the week came and my analytical mind didn’t know how to treat it entirely. Do I take pictures of him “off to Kindergarten”? Do I treat it like pre-K? Did it matter? My baby would be gone from 8-3. Should I reduce the day? Etc etc.

We had a beautiful “Kinder Eve” day up in Dillon. Michael, myself, and his mother helped write a letter “explaining” Madeus to his teacher. Our family went on their first long bike ride together around the lake. And Madeus seemed for the first time “ready” to go to the new class room.

And then on the ride home to Denver, Rascal Flatt’s “I Wish”, played. I cried.

I went home and compiled a group of picture of Madeus and I. I cried.

He had really been nervous about starting school up until the point. Most often saying that he would not go. But on the day, he woke up and his first words were, “This day, I go to school.” 

I am surprised by the ease in which he let me dress him (and basically pick the clothes) and get to school. Easier than most days of preschool.

I went into the bedroom and I cried.

 

We got to school and as I was stepping out of the car, I dropped my camera and the fancy lens and the lens completely shattered. I cried. But not much because I did not want to worry Madeus.

He walked down the hall proudly wearing his new back pack. We reached the door which is directly adjacent to his old classroom. He turned longingly at his old classroom first and then a heart breaking look of apprehension appeared. I reassured him we would stay with him until he said “green light.” We entered, greeted by a few familiar faces. He spotted a bucket of cars and “green lighted” us within minutes to go.

So I was pretty confident when I picked him up. But when I entered he was fast asleep among a swarm of playing children.  This is extremely rare. I gently woke him and he looked overwhelmed. I encouraged him to put his mat away but he started to cry. The other children were having snack and he wanted it but looked afraid and wanted me to go with him but he did not want to sit. I think he was so disoriented from the sleep. So I whispered to him that we could just leave and get his favorite cheddar popcorn.  

 As we left I asked him to put his backpack on because it is his responsibility. He started to cry. And I knew this wasn’t the time for rules, I carried the bag and he just cried. 

We stopped in the hall, and I hugged him and said we will give this a try and if it doesn’t feel right we can change things.  He said, “Just go.” And he cried.

We got to the car and he said, “Kindergarten is scary.” My heart was broken.

But then, we began to talk. He told me of some of the good things, “story time was chapter books”, “the playground was shared with his old classroom”, “he remembered one new friend’s name”.  A little rest time, some popcorn and a milkshake later the boy was back to himself.  I asked him if he was going to give it a try for a while and he said he would…

But then he said he wanted his old classroom.

And when he went to bed he said he would not go to school tomorrow.

To be continued…