Month one and two: Feed Me Seymour

And yes, Madeus definitely reminds me of the plant from Little Shop of Horrors. He loves breast feeding and has since day one. This was a huge relief because it was probably the number one thing I wanted to do and I had heard such horror stories. The only struggle we have encountered was the first two nights when my milk had not come in (umm, Mother Nature, what is that about?) That was a miserable experience and he would cry every time he was not latched on. Since the milk came in it has been smooth sailing. . . at least physically.

I love breastfeeding and yet there are definitely feedings each day where I feel annoyed at the prospect of having to sit and at times I feel like a machine. But I am definitely attached not only physically but emotionally. It is a crazy experience to be able to feed your child. I can change his mood instantly and the content sleepy stooper he goes into after he is finished is extremely satisfying. It also makes me feel a tremendous amout of responsibility. In those first days he lost 12 ounces. I could not provide for my child what he needed to grow and while this was fleeting there was definitely a feeling of inadequacy. Now every time he spits up a little more than usual or has a gas pain I wonder what I did that may have created his pain. Did I eat too much dairy or chocolate or gas inducing vegetables? The most intriguing thing for me has been the complete desire and yet guilt that has come from wanting to feed him. As I am preparing to go back to school we have introduced the bottle more frequently. Every time I don't feed him I get in a bad mood. Michael and I will make a plan for him to feed him so I can have an extended time out and I will find myself rushing home to make the feeding. I just can't rectify shopping with missing a feeding (shocking for me I know). Plus, I absolutely hate to pump in lew of the feeding, it makes it feel so mechanical for me.

Madeus has started to form opinions about many things at 7 weeks of age, and one of those is the bottle. Madeus has decided he hates the bottle as much as I do. When I breast feed him he finishes usually within 20 minutes tops (he is a mover and shaker like me). When he has the bottle it takes an hour and 1/2 and he eats half as much. The other day he went into a screaming fit when Mike gave him the bottle and then I gave him my breast instead and he was completely soothed. It was the most satisfying feeling to know how much he needed me and yet I knew that for our lifestyles I was also creating a problem. We had better luck later on with warming the milk and buying different nipples but he still is showing a clear preference. I will return to work 2 days a week next week and I will only be gone for one feeding so we will see how it goes.

In the last few days Madeus has become even more animated and it is clear that he is now laughing and smiling in response to us and not just to his gas. It has been added fun that now when he gets ready to feed, he starts cooing and smiling. Yesterday, he was laughing so much, he had to calm down in order to latch on. There is really no better feeling than that... unless of course he truly does turn into a giant plant that wants to eat me:)